Welcome to Miller Time

News...some of which sucks ass, some of which kicks it.

2005-04-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

Yeah...so...haven't written in awhile. :( Let's see. Illini lost to UNC. A little part of me died. Like when Jude Law got engaged. Right. I swear, if Franka ever gets engaged, I shall DIE!!!!! :'( I bought a mirror and SMASHED it and made a mosaic. I'm going through a major mirror phase. Last week Zoe came over and we saw this guys on COPS do a pot bust and he was strapped to a helicopter then he zoomed UP with the pot...
Now EMILY'S here! She's with ME! Not YOU! HA! You SUCK! Not me! Emily's with ME, not YOU! You are now granted the privilege of being talked to by her:

blllahhhhh visit my blog! now grrrss!
Alright, I got my little picture thing of thora birch. Oh yes. Kick ass bakas!
Right now I'm being forced to listen to 80s alternative.

Alright back. For ONE, I'm on ADULT alternative, alright?! SECONDLY, 80s alternative music kicks ASS! Tears for Fears (something happens and I'm head over heels, I never find out, till I'm head over heels, something happens and I'm head over heels, don't take my heart, don't break my heart, don't , don't, don't throw it away) is 80s alternative! You love that song! HA! I TRIUMPH!!!
So. Okay, Em showed my this site. You type in crap and get icons. It's funny. One's about a goat. I must go now. Franka fetish. Later.

The Update Of My Uneventful Life Of Which No One Responds To

2005-04-01T19:27:00.000-08:00

Okay. So. It's the weekend. Thankfully. Erm... WE FUCKING GOT A CAR! And now I shall gush about this lovely car. 'Tis a french blue Ford Focus which goes by the name of Maggie. I love her. I can't wait to drive her in all her loveliness. This news is exciting for my family, who never gets anything new. Or nice. Or expensive (or else it's expensive and we drain our funds and then it breaks. Because that is our luck). Perhaps I suffer from the teenage "it's all about me" thing, but I feel quite often rejected, like my personality turns people away or something. Like I'm just the "other person," secondary. Oddly enough, I felt this way with other people, too. So is it in my mind? Or is my personality just the manipulated and bendable? So...update of my life: TV: The OC, Desperate Housewives, Lost. Movie I just watched: Frida. Movie I am about to watch: Big Fish. Movie I want to watch: Sin City. Movie I have to hide: Rocky Horror (from my father, who is convinced it's porn). Music: Joseph Arthur, Fleetwood Mac, assorted indie rock, '80s music and classic rock. Word: Fetish. Food: Pad Thai and wheat thins. Lyric stuck in my head: You will rise...when you watch yourself burn to the ground...oh I know you will rise.... or: The killing moon...will come too soon...fate...up against your will...through the thick and thin...he will wait until...you give yourself to him... Talking to: Emily and my cousin, Katie. Is it not sad that I must dive into unreal things to make myself believe I have an eventful life? I must go now. Byebye.

The Update On My Kick-Ass Spring Break

2005-03-28T12:32:00.000-08:00

So...sorry I haven't posted lately. A lot has happened. Let's see...
Spring break started and I saw Sideways. That movie was so funny... The ends blacks out with the guy knocking on a door, and some guy in the audience was like "what?" Heh, that was funny. The supporting actor, Thomas Hayden Church, was really good playing one sleazy son of a bitch. He was just cast as the Spiderman 3 villain. He'll kick as in that role.
We went to Chicago and the whole time I was there I was mildly depressed because living with my entire family compacted 24/7 means dealing with my dad and his micromanagement issues. At least, thank God, he didn't clip Cara's fingernails. I might have exploded. In addition, everything cost a shitload of money. One night of parking was $30 (pay at the hotel counter, it's only $29! Whoop-dee-frickin'-doo!) It was still awesome, though. Plus the Illini are kicking ass this season, so every paper had about 20 articles on them. I cut them all out put them on my door, creating an Illini shrine. The Illinois vs. Arizona game had me screaming so bad I was hoarse. Some people are calling it the best game ever in college basketball history. And the state journal had only ONE FUCKING ARTICLE ON THE GAME AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE! Grrr. So yeah...Chicago was awesome.
We are getting a new car today!!! '05 Ford Focus, metallic french blue, CD player, mwahaha. The Stanza died, and we're going to have it towed. I love that car. :'( Our van is wearing thin. Both those cars have tape decks, one is 13 years old, one is over 6, have over 100,000 miles each and have had more repairs than one can count. Yeah, we need a new car. As for the free Dell computer. Well, turns out, it's either the Dell or $500 off the original price, so we went with the cheaper price. Our salesman goes by the name "T," from his bartending days. Poor guy, his real name is Adolf, which is disturbing on many different levels.
I know I did other stuff...can't think of what...hmm.
What's up with Anna? She barely talks to me anymore...I'm so sad. I wonder what I did...?
Anyway, it has been overall a Spring Break that very much kicked ass. Later on.

Sleepover & Sibs Panel

2005-03-12T17:20:00.000-08:00

So...Friday Emmie had a kick-ass birthday party at the Holiday Inn. I made her a basket of strawberry stuff and she got giant Pocky. I had to leave EARLY :( the next morning. Even so, I went to sleep at 3:30 am. Thank God for coffee! (I still don't see why Michelle couldn't have waited to watch Saved! until after we saw Donnie Darko, I mean, we just sat around waiting for the DVD player for two hours...and she watched TV all through Donnie Darko anyway! I could have gotten two extra hours of sleep...) I had to leave early to go to the Pilgrim Center an hour and a half away - PALs meeting. I was on a Sibs Panel. Me, Maggie, who is 18, Danny, who is 16, and Amanda, who is my sister's teacher, all have a sibling with a disability and there were parents (22 people, I counted) who wanted to know what to expect. We shared our experiences and opinions and it was really great. They are paying us each $50 for doing it, mwahaha. We also got to know each other better on the ride there and back. Danny was awesome, he said he might give we rides to West next year :D. I am so out of it...I don't feel that tired...and yet...maybe I'm on something. Okay, now I'm having a moment where I'm just typing what I'm thinking. Have you ever seen a movie that you loved so much, it consumed you? You keep thinking about it and watch it over and over and obsess about, and you can only relax once you buy it. I'm such a spoiled American bitch. I think it could be lack of sleep... ummm...yeah. I think I'm going to get a rainbow wristband like Em's. I want it. Okay.

Half Day

2005-03-07T15:36:00.000-08:00

Ooh, lucky me, a half day today. I'm bloody sick. AGAIN. Cold with mild chills and major nose issues and throatiness. Emmie is working on a Franka Potente template with a Joseph Arthur background song. Kick ass!
Like I haven't already asked enough questions, but this is driving me nuts...Can someone PLEASE tell me the meaning of the chinese girl in Donnie Darko? Why does she only say "shut up?" Why is there some random book that says "Donnie Darko" on the cover? Why is she ALWAYS around? WHY IS SHE SMILING AT THE END?!?! Cult movies can drive you mad.
Friday there is no school. It's Emmie's PARTY! There shall be SUBS! Saturday I'm going to be on the Sibs Panel, which is where people ask you (and about 3 other people, all of whom have siblings disabilites) different questions. It's all laid back with couches and a small group. They pay you $50 for being a part of it. The best part is, I can finally vent how much my dad drives me crazy, micromanaging Cara's life, thinking that he always needs to take care of her, that she will never amount to anything and never move out (he goes insane at the mention of her having an apartment someday). It's eating me from the inside out, the way he always has to know EXACTLY where she is and what she's doing. He doesn't give her privacy and talks to her in this voice that would make one think that she is about five. He does everything for her when only he is around. He clips her fingernails. When we go somewhere, he will buckle her seatbelt for her, even though she has been capable of that for YEARS. The worst part is that when we go out, he holds her fucking hand. She is 12. TWELVE, DAMMIT! I try to intervene in a way that I can't be accused of doing so, but stops the madness. It's the only way to keep me sane. If something ever happened to mom, I don't think I could literally keep living. My dad is such a control freak, and my biggest dream is that Cara will eventually be totally independent. If mom was gone, all my hope would be gone. My personal hell is when she goes out of town. Not only dad's micromanaging, but when she isn't there, we eat out. Every. Single. Fucking. Meal. Since when does the teenage daughter suggest we have leftovers while the parent insists on fast food?!?! I mean, he complains that he is overweight or "never has money." Well, I wonder why! Do you still wonder why my life is a stress fest?

3-Day Weekend

2005-02-27T10:43:00.000-08:00

We had a 3-day weekend and it was awesome! On Friday I cleaned up the house, then we went shopping at various bookstores. I got a new Joseph Arthur CD and bought Saved! and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Friday night I watched Van Helsing for the first time by candlelight. The next day I saw Donnie Darko. It was a great movie, but I did not get that ending at ALL, Zoe, you're going to have to explain it to me. It ended very creepily. It was like, Gretchen waving and then blackout and then creepy music... I plan on watching Hedwig and the Angry Inch today, too! A lot of those cult movies came in for me at the library all at once, so...
Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars, and he's apparently in trouble because he said that he didn't know any straight guys who watched the Oscars. When you think about it, it's true. Hehe, I like Chris Rock.
Last night we had PIZZA over and Mike and Lisa's, and now it is being heated up for lunch. The aroma is wafting down the stairs, drawing me to it, so I must go. Later!

The Day of Disturbance

2005-02-18T16:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, the title, don't know where that came from or what relevance it has...whatever. So, today band was canceled and my class could go to the gym. So me and my friends went and hung out in the supply room. Then Joe and Eddie and Delia, pretty much, were all saying that lately I've been trying to be someone I'm not. Okay...you know I talk about how I think about sex and torture and pain a lot. Well, here's the story. Just for the record. Okay, in kindergarten, we had like, half an hour for naptime or something. This may sound lame, but I was five. I would just think and never go to sleep. I pretended I was a fox or some sort of animal and I was captured. I liked the feeling of that...helplessness. Then it escalated. Over the next few years I started thinking more about kidnap and torture. Then I started to be more drawn to sex. Then I would think about sex or rape or torture or whatever. It takes up a good time of my day, just thinking about these things. It's an addiction and I can't stop. I don't even want to try. But...I never told anyone because I thought they would think I was crazy or something. Then I DID tell people. They didn't think I was crazy. The just thought I was trying to "fit it" or get attention. It drove me mad today! But the worst part was when Delia and Eddie told me I was only pretending to be bi. The way they readily agreed, I realized they'd talked about it before, but that didn't surprise me. My friends actually purposefully whisper in front of me. Or talk about me when I'm right behind them and think I don't notice. Anyway, I would've rather been called a fag or something than been told I was faking being bi. They thought I was doing it to be like Anna, I guess. I've actually known for awhile, but my best friend, Emily, who they don't even KNOW told me she was bi and that helped me come to terms with the fact that I was, too. I knew I was bi before Anna told me she was. I literally thought about it all day. I couldn't push it out of my head. Why does it seem like that whenever I talk to all my friends at school in group, I walk away feeling like shit, at the very least? My problem is I can't hold a grudge. I always forgive people, always. And they never know how much I hate it.

Trivial Daily Woes

2005-02-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

So we saw Coach Carter. It was REALLY good. Better than Miracle, anyway. I stopped watching that piece of shit halfway through.
Yesterday we found out that because someone broke a window during recess that we know have to stop eating on the floor and return to tables and "raise our hands to go outside." Fuck that. I have dignity. We always cleaned up after ourselves, anyway. And at tables, you can't SEE everyone and talk to everyone. The principal's exact words were "food and trays must be on the tables" so me and Alice kept our good on the tables and sat under the tables and ate there. Eating at tables like civilized people disturb me at school. So Ms. Evans (shitty principal) walks by us, then does a double take, then has us get out and eat so we won't ruin the apparent good name of our school or something. Basically, eating on the floor is not only better, but it's more liberating because we're making choices. It's really Ms. Evans' fault, anyway. When students apparently left garbage all around the lunchroom, she started removing tables as punishment. So we sat on the floor. Ms. Evans apparently thought this degraded our school's good name and immediately replaced the tables. We continued to sit on the floor.
I miss Mr. Holmes. He moved on to being principal at West High (I'm SO stoked to be going there next year!), but Ms. Evans isn't really doing a good job. I'll bet you anything Mr. Holmes would have thought it funny and new, the idea of eating on the floor. BLARG.
Mom's out of town. Let me give it to you straight. Pure Hell. When she leaves Dad feels the need to spend money on junk food and I'm like "Can't we eat leftovers or something?" He's also a major control freak. It's enough to drive anyone insane. Mom going out of town puts me on edge and I dread it for months in advance. If something ever happened to mom, I don't know what the fuck I'd do.
My nose issue is really coming down on me. I thought my cold had gone away for the most part,, but my sinuses are causing major headaches. It HURTS! So much that I had to stop watching Rocky Horror: audience version (you hear all the cult followers yelling their lines, calling Brad and Janet Asshole, Slut! Asshole, Slut! It's hysterical.)
We had that spelling bee today. It was down to me and Jenny, in 7th grade. I got "character" and then the last part of the word I made "caracature." It was actually kind of funny. Eh, I'm runner up.
I don't think any of my 8th grade teachers like Ms. Evans, either. I actually thought that Ms. Nelson was going to be a bad teacher, but I love her and think she's excellent. She's going to help us coordinate a Gay/Straight Alliance! Damn school is the only one without one.
Okay, some people are really slow and STILL haven't realized I'm bi. Delia thought that Anna was the only person in our school who was bi. I'm like "uh, no." Dude, I have a picture of a sexy girl in my locker. (Okay, yes, it's Franka. Franka Potente.)

Afterthoughts

2005-02-02T19:04:00.000-08:00

So...didn't get to watch Rocky Horror. Poor Zoe couldn't come. She's feeling better now, though. We missed you! Couldn't watch Run Lola Run, either. We DID watch The Bourne Identity (it contains The Sexiness i.e. Franka Potente) and Chocolat, which has Johnny Depp. Sexy night.
I made out randomly with my best friend. I bit her. I didn't mean to. She won't let me forget it. I stayed up through the night. We pretended like we wanted phone and cyber sex then blew off random guys we met. We being me Tanja and Alice, the only ones who stayed up through to the morning. We also watched the llama song, salad fingers and dancing badgers. At 11:30 I went to bed and woke up at 3:30. Then I went back to sleep. At 6:30 I woke up, took a bath, had leftover chinese and watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, which set the pace for the genre, but I decided I liked House of Flying Daggers better.
Shit, I have the time warp stuck in my head. Tomorrow we're as an 8th grade going to see Coach Carter which I feel kind of bad about, considering that the Oscars are coming up and I still have to see The Hotel Rwanda, Finding Neverland, The Aviator, Sideways, The Woodsman and Million-Dollar Baby. Oh, well. A movie is a movie and this one wasn't supposed to be bad, although the typical sports doomed-kids-and-a-coach-with-impossible-dreams-pulls-them-into-shape is a little formula. Eh, who cares? Later.

Blarg!!!

2005-01-28T08:55:00.000-08:00

Blarg!! Ah! blarg is meh new favorite word, besides RANDOM. I am sitting in the 7th grade social studies room because all the 8th grade teachers went to Tony's funeral. It's so sad, I hardly knew him, but I really miss him. :(
On a happier note...
IT'S FRIDAY, DAMMIT! HALLELUJAH!
And...
Tomorrow night! Tis my postponed party!
*PANDA EXPRESS CHINESE FOOD
*SNL
*ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW
*SODA
*CHIPS
*RAW COOKIE DOUGH
*RUN LOLA RUN
*WHAT'S UP TIGERLILY?
*HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH
*MONTY PYTHON
*STRIP BULLSHIT

IT'S GOING TO MAJORLY KICK ASS!!!
(I'll tell you how many of these things we actually get around to doing).

I'm fucking hungry!

Day of Surreal

2005-01-25T15:42:00.000-08:00

We got to school today and Anna says "Tony Monroe shot himself" and I'm thinking "that's too bad" and continue on. Then it begins to sink in. People are crying and screaming in the hallway and teachers are crying, too. They opened up the divider for two classrooms and talked to the eighth grade and Deanna left screaming and in the hallway she just fell over, crying.
Tony went to my middle school last year, and went to West High this year. Most of us knew him. He was really nice and a great basketball player. 1st period people wandered the halls... everyone was quiet. If someone was acting almost foolish in their grief or tripped or something, people just made sure they were alright, and you just wanted to give your enemy a big hug. There was a lot of hugging happening.
2nd period we were in the library and laid down behind the back shelves. For awhile Anna was my pillow, then Delia was. I was Zoe's pillow and Zoe was Joe's pillow and I was Alice's pillow and my hand was Eddie's pillow and Eddie was my ottoman. Anna and Andy hugged a long time. Chris just sort of sat on the side. We talked about how stupid suicide was and how selfish you have to be to do it, then we read "If you give a pig a pancake" and "How sex works." Random hugs happened throughout the day. I really love my friends and if they ever commited suicide it would be devestating. It was the most surreal day of my life. I wish I'd known Tony better.
I wanted to look at Tony's picture in the yearbook but I couldn't find either of them. NBC15 did a report, though they didn't talk about what a great person Tony was. Channel 3 just complained that his car was blocking interstate traffic.
FUCK!!!

AH!!! IT WORKS!

2005-01-24T17:05:00.000-08:00

Holy fuckness! The toilet is INSTALLED AND THE SINK INSTALLED!!! You turn the knob, WATER COMES OUT! There is a sink!!! The toothbrushes will be moved from the kitchen!!! No basement-for-the-bladder travels!!! REJOICE!!!!!!!!!

{Life = Weird}

2005-01-24T16:27:00.000-08:00

Isn't weird a german word or something?
Ergh...I was so fucking pissed off because I had to change meh party to next weekend because I GOT FUCKING SICK. And I couldn't talk and I tried to cry on my birthday and tears came but a really weird noise came out, like a dying camel or something.
But we ordered chinese and Emily came over with her mom because they couldn't stay away even when I'm sick and we dipped our hands in wax and it felt really good.
Then TODAY I went to school and everyone yelled at me go home. Blahness. Damn you all. But I stayed and I'm better, dammit!
Now the plumber's here and we're getting our toilet reinstalled (we've been using the basement toilet for two weeks) and the sink (we've washed our hands in the bathtub for...years.) And the SHOWER IS BEING PUT IN! Also...taking baths for years. We have had a random sink in our dining room for months and the toilet in the middle of the hallway... MY LIFE IS IN DISREPAIR! Random doors with no doorknobs...or no doors at all. Things that don't work and we just fucking work around it... Oh, Zoe, when you come over, knock really loud, we have no doorbell because dad randomly took it off. Well, that was to fix up the front of the house, but he hasn't put it back on. Grrrrrrrrrrr, my life is one big stress fest! I'm not supposed to CARE about this stuff, but fuck it, I DO!!!

'Tis COLD

2004-12-23T10:30:00.000-08:00

Every PLACE is getting snow BUT US!!! I want a white Christmas but noooooo. Of course, we're here fucking freezing our asses off and yet GREENNESS IS UPON US! I'm PISSED off. On the other hand, MAJOR My So-Called Life episodes await meh at the library. Ah ha ha. Tanja said that in Mr. Branch's health class they watched an episode (fyi: The show is from 1994 and, as any TV junkie knows, it was probably the best TV showed ever aired. It was also extremely realistic. It was a show before it's time and didn't find an audience and sadly, lasted for 19 episodes which is shorter than, say, The fucking Swan has!) Anyway, I plan to go back to school and interrogate Mr. Branch as to WHY our health class was so boring and TANJA'S class gets to watch Rayanne OD. Damn it all, I'm cold! I've been burning major incense and it KICKS MAJOR ASS! MY HOUSE SMELLS LIKE CINNAMON! Later!

Millerz' blog

2004-12-17T13:39:00.000-08:00

Tis Millerz' new blog. I have 20 minutes left of SCHOOL but THEN it's over. We dissected cow eyes in science. They were hard and old not fresh :(. Mr. Branch said that the lens looked like silicone for implants. How does he know this? Apparently he watches MTV. I cut away from the eye and Chris was swinging it like a FREAKING PENDULUM in my FACE.
I have a raging HEADACHE not that anyone CARES. And then I'm going to the LIBRARY to pick up MOVIES with FRANKA POTENTE but no one cares about THAT either. And now I'm CAPITALIZING random THINGS. Random is my favorite word. You should know that. Do you care? Screw you!
Ummmm...bye.